Gilroy Sween/The Ball Thief
Gilroy
Field Value Full Name Gilroy Sween/The Ball Thief Alias Gender Male Age World Occupation Ball Thief Status Role Participant Team Freakhouse Funshow Edition Crab 4 Creator
GILROY SWEEN - LEFT HAND MANNEQUIN
""Gilroy doesn’t talk. He can kill. Will he? HE HAS.""
- Before being vitalized as an athletic thief of spherical sport projectiles,
Gilroy was a simple mannequin laid limp on top of a sports store dumpster
next to the corpse of a missing Bulls player - until [THE COACH] found him.
After the unsanitary retrieval of both Gilroy and the stained Bulls jersey,
[COACH] assigned him one straightforward purpose: to steal every single ball.
Appearance
- A 5”10 mannequin painted magenta.
- 1 ft tall/wide tennis ball head with black opening for eyes.
- Oversized basketball jersey with the ‘U’ overwritten as an ‘A’.
- Might be wearing dirty tube socks.
Personality
Powers and Abilities
- As Gilroy has no organic vitals or needs, he’s the most malleable and mortally numb you can find in The CR4B Rogue’s Gallery!
- **He won’t die from any stabs or fires - his best friend is entirely composed of fire!
- His limbs can be taken off without fatality.
- He doesn’t bleed. He has no pain receptors.
- Gilroy only feels basic emotions - except sadness. Hopefully, that doesn’t change!
- Contortionism.
- Pop outta nowhere just to steal a sphere.
- Survivability in Combustion
Weaknesses
- His addiction to spheres. HE NEEDS THEM! THEY’RE HIS PROPERTY!
- [Post-Round 1] Friendship.
- Rats: a fear he caught from his creator.
- His creator’s commands.
Background
History
During Round 1: VS. N377/Jam Jar & Medjed
Gilroy was snuck into Egypt by [COACH] in disguise so as to sneak into the market for “groceries”.
When Round 1 was announced, Gilroy was assigned to compete against interplanetary saboteur N377 to “BTFO Medjed, The Egyptian Jarlid of Death and Laser Eyes.” [COACH] has bet $5.25 on Gilroy. At some point before or after the whole Medjed bit, Gilroy made a deal with Nio [a dealer for dark secrets in Egypt during Round 1] of three secrets he knows of [COACH] for a mandolin, voo-doo material, and psychedelics.
The mandolin was used to slice up potatoes, the voo-doo and psychedelics aren’t used yet.
After Round 1
After coming back to The FHFS Headquarters, Gilroy had his costume burnt off by Diesel Junkie.
Gilroy then just walked a while and hung around the ship, dangling and drooping with friends and strangers.
At this point, he has made better relations with his teammates and few others. Though this was when Gilroy got REAL violent.
Nio from earlier? Turns out, someone else’s team member got drowned or shot or whatever, so she took their place!
Nio joined the same competition as Gilroy, who told her [COACH]‘s secrets.
[COACH] saw that too, so he had Gilroy lobotomize her. Neither of them wanted to do it! She just knew too much!
She survived though - Gilroy didn’t kill her!
…Some time after, Gilroy got his newest and best costume so far:
Three (3) strung spikes (spiked, needled, hairy) tied to the arms
Potato-Sack Pants
A spiked leather one-strap pair of overalls, holding junk
Executioner Hood
Spiked Helmet; The spikes coming from the tips cut off of nearby metal fences.
During Round 2: VS. Officers Derrick & Geoffrey
Before Gilroy left for Germany, [COACH] instructed Gilroy to send out flyers to the other competitors for a celebratory bar jig after the round. Unfortunately, nobody really came and the bar got blown up - I’ll get to how.
Before Gilroy could have his go, all The Red Hoods [a faction for only this round] got to hang around a fire. Unfortunately, The Blue Wolves [a stupid faction for this round] killed them all - except Fluxxo, Gilroy’s boss. There isn’t a known culprit for Gilroy’s murder, but it was most likely Lovell. Gilroy got his head sliced in half.
Gilroy had to catch some dragons, The Cops were supposed to hunt them. Gilroy found The Mama Dragon, but he got launched off and had to fend off The Cops. Gilroy then sewed their bodies together before The Mama Dragon came back and threw them to the pavement, killing them.
Gilroy had to meet at the bar some time after, but the bar plan got interrupted and destroyed by N377 who wanted revenge for earlier. Gilroy had to get away, but N377’s current opponent Adel Greisha froze Gilroy in place so N377 could go back to fighting her.
Gilroy was found 2 hours later by the resurrected Geoffrey and Derrick who arrested him and won the round.
GILROY WANTS THEM DEAD!
Relationships
FREAKSHOW FUNHOUSE/FUNFREAK SHOWHOUSE: * Buddies! *
N377: First Opponent! Just a spaceman with a jam jar for a helmet.
Shits, Berno, Scarymovies: Shared the same birthday. That’s it.
Giggles: Meh, stole his nose. Giggles hit Gilroy with a racket in Round 2. They’re even.
Kell: He beat up Gilroy and took Giggles’ nose back after finding out Gilroy stole it.
Nio: Her only other customer apparently. SHE KNEW TOO MUCH.
Melody: FRIEND - have a T-shirt!
Fluxxo: Gilroy’s temporary boss. No questions asked.
Officers Derrick & Geoffrey: SWORN ENEMIES. FUCK THE POLICE!
Clovis Cardige: ENEMY. HE HURT GILROY’S FRIEND.
Leon Lizard: He shaved Gilroy. Gilroy framed him with an adult subscription receipt. They’re even.
Diana: SHE INTERRUPTED MY BEAUTY SLEEP. I MADE HER FEAR BASEBALLS.
M4: ** “We just thought she was a serious lady dressed up as a cat ninja!”**
Debbie: She is a nice lady. BUT GILROY NEEDS THE SPHERES IN HER HAIR.
D.O.O.M.V.A.: Villains and crooks can hate villains and crooks too. D.O.O.M.V.A. is one of the worst!
The Witch: Nothing. Just Nothing. Don’t say a damn thing.
Life Within CRAB
Other
Initiation
Two months later during one of his midnight thefts on the street,
he found a poster on the floor for a “CRAB Tournament”. He went back to [COACH] with the poster
and they both decided to go for it. One of the requirements was to fight a hulking smelly Florida Man
who Gilroy beat anticlimactically by throwing a football at his crotch.
As Gilroy won against Florida Man, he was given instructions to meet at the city’s newspaper stand.
Gilroy and his creator made it to the stand expecting a bus or an invite, only to be abducted
by a giant spaceship shaped like a crab.
They made it onboard successfully with little reaction or fanfare, Gilroy just staring and lying on a bench
while [COACH] made small conversation and bragged about him to a few competitors.
In The Beginning-
- During his first few days, Gilroy just stumbled in the halls, stood, and sat. Nothing behind those eyes. Stealing balls. One day, he was “sleeping” on a bench in the corridor when he was interrupted by a random woman known as Diana Berry who RUDELY interrupted his sleep. So he grabbed her by the throat and threatened her with a baseball. **It was never brought up again.
** -
MOVING ON, The D.O.O.M.V.A. (stupid ass vacuum) set up teams two weeks before Round 1. Gilroy just stood up and got bunched up with Ivy Iverson, Fishimote, Diesel Junky, and Fluxxo as Freakhouse Funshow. Gilroy got along with these folks, more like coworkers for a freakazoid.
His tone changed one day when he got to be with Diesel Junky; He wanted some diesel, so Gilroy burst into a kitchenette on board and stole a jug off the counter. That’s how Gilroy and Diesel Junky became best friends.
Teammates/“Freakshows”
**Ivy Iverson: Hasn’t really done anything, bad or good. She looks nervous
**Diesel Junkie: FRIEND.
**Fishimote: Supportive, yet oh so nervous.
**Fluxxo/“Boss”: Brash. Powerful. Nonsensical. It’s like most things haven’t changed!
CRIMINAL RECORD
- 409(-1) Thefts of Private Property
- 93 Cases of Property Damage
- 4(-4) Cases of Murder
- 12 Acts of Assault
- Tax Evasion
TRIVIA!
- In the city he resides in, Gilroy has been responsible for at least 400 cases of robbery (mainly rubber balls)
- One time, he got his hands on a dozen silver spheres from an industry museum and 2 dozen bombs from another; same night.
- Yes, the jersey still had blood on it - but it’s nothin’ a thimble of bleach can’t fix!
- Gilroy follows his creator’s command, and his mostly!
- Gilroy was never given certain mortal traits; Gilroy can’t feel pain, he can’t feel sadness, he can’t talk!
- His role model is Kareem Abdul Jabbar.
Gallery
3 pictures
Trivia
- Trivia fact 1 (placeholder)
- Trivia fact 2 (placeholder)
- Trivia fact 3 (placeholder)
Source
Text: CRAB WIKI, Gilroy Sween/The Ball Thief (revision 2170, 2025-09-07; by CoachKofVillainry)
Pictures: uploaded to the wiki by CoachKofVillainry
Edited by: G
Licence: text CC BY-SA 4.0; characters, comics and art belong to their creators
