Gouda Beemster
Cursed Rat Imp That Sucks Your Dick
Field Value Full Name Gouda Beemster Alias Gender Female Age Unknown World League Of Legends Occupation Mercenary Status Ascended (Goddess of Abundance) Role Participant Team (B)Rat Pack Edition Crab 3 Creator
Let me show you how to cheese it.
Gouda Beemster is a participant of Crab 3, as a member of Brat Pack. She is a mercenary Yordle who looks like a rat.
Appearance
Personality
Gouda can be defined by two things: her obsession with sex (particularly dick-sucking) and cheese. Outside of that she is a really relaxed individual who tends to slack on the job and on all duties assigned to her. She is irreverent, and insistent, and has a habit of constantly speaking using cheese-related puns.
Through the tournament Gouda shows increasing appreciation for her team, as they consistently take her back in despite her antics and laziness, and ultimately proves her loyalty to them through the rounds.
Powers and Abilities
Gouda has agility befitting a rodent mercenary. She was able to quickly lay down Epona before she could even swing with a few stabs of her blade, showing impressive speed, as well as quickly kill three people before they even noticed what happened, or release herself from bindings even with her captors surrounding her without them even noticing. Gouda is also able to lay traps and has some knowledge of basic gunpowder weaponry like cannons, as well as the use of mushroom gas bombs to deal with enemies.
She is also an expert fellator and cheese-maker, two activities that I sure hope she never combines in any shape or form.
Background
History
Round 1
Dr. Stitch (won, entry) vs Gouda Beemster (lost) in Spreading The Plague. Match page: C3 R1 - Dr. Stitch vs Gouda
In Centuria, Gouda was naturally made part of the Horde, while Stitch joined the Brotherhood of the Shadows.
In Gouda’s reality, she and Stitch were hired to spread the plague by a Necromancer. Stitch used plague-infested rats, while Gouda went on to spread it through going on a sex frenzy with Florida Man, then spreading his diseases through the empire ranks via sleeping with them. After succeeding, a frustrated Stitch (seeing the rats she used beaten) encountered a sleeping Gouda, but before she could confront the rat, she stepped on a trap set by the Brat member and got a cannon firing at her. Picking up the spread Stitch parts (including genitals), Gouda declared they were going to have fun together.
In Dr. Stitch’s canon reality, Gouda encountered Stitch on the forest. First asking her for sex, once Stitch refused Gouda, despite not being bothered, told the doctor they would have to fight, and a battle ensued. Though initially Gouda had the advantage, Stitch managed to kick and began choking the rat while responding to Gouda’s many previous questions (for example, her favorite cheese, Mozzarella), but Gouda stabbed Stitch’s foot releasing herself. Gouda declared “Gouda” would be the favorite cheese of anyone she sucked off, and the battle resumed, but Stitch detached their hand and used it to blind the yordle, allowing an opening to inject her. Although decapitated in the effort, Stitch quickly grabbed their head and decided to end the fight, considering enough was done, much to Gouda’s confusion. Gouda ultimately left, without understanding Stitch had made her Patient Zero of a very contagious zombie plague to be released on Centuria.
Round 2
Magai (won, entry) vs Gouda Beemster (lost) in Konbini. Match page: C3 R2 - Magai vs Gouda
Having drunk the kemono potion (turning into a human girl) Gouda faced Magai (who took the gender-change potion or the anime/saiyan potion in his own reality) in a convenience store.
In Gouda’s reality, she was kicked out by Wietse for lazing around and wasting time having sex with Florida Man. Gouda encountered the Gamemaster who turned her human for attempting to suck his dick and threw her into Japan, where she started having a lot of sex. Gouda encountered a kombini where Magai was working, but could not find a way to get past the glass door, so Magai opened for her. Then, three people entered the store and, believing them to be thugs, Gouda murdered them, much to the bafflement of her opponent and the Gamemaster since they were just larping store regulars.
In Magai’s canon reality, Gouda lived in Japan working on a kombini, where Magai frequented, entertaining regulars while dressed as a rat. She complained day after day about her woes to the mute, listening Magai - her boss complaints, her ugliness, her job- and he comforted her. As their friendship developed, Gouda and Magai began drinking together, with him even having to somehow call a cab to take her home after she got too drunk - in the end, both became good friends.
Round 3
Epona Claymore (lost, entry) vs Gouda Beemster (won, entry). Match page: C3 R3 - Epona Claymore vs Gouda
In Epona’s reality, Epona told Gouda she didn’t have time for her, stuck her with a beam attack from above, teleported behind her psshhh, and hit her with her sword many times, stripping her. As Gouda covered herself in embarrassment, Epona threw a backhand magic bomb that exploded in a huge blast, the horse donning shades to celebrate her victory.
In Gouda’s canon reality, the rat was wandering when the Gamemaster Gnomes set up an ambush to her, attracting her with cheese and tying her up. Gouda easily escaped her bindings and left a poisonous mushroom gas to deal with the gnomes, before ultimately deciding she wanted to return to her team, wondering if she had grown attached to them. Wondering if the team would even take her back in, she was content to see Wietse shouting at her to get in and prepare for her fight, and Tripp inviting her to play games. After that and learning of her opponent, Epona and Gouda fight - before Epona is able to even swing, Gouda gets close and repeatedly stabs the horse girl stomach with her blade, after which Epona coughs blood and falls dead.
After Crab 3
Gouda was awakened afterwards by her team members, who explained to her their victory and their new status as Gods. Following that, Gouda renamed herself as the Goddess of Abundance. Unsavory criminals like the Rapist Ant or Florida Man were left in her hands - and she is seen dragging them into her own realm in Kome’s epilogue, as well as celebrating with her team during the anniversary of their victory.
Relationships
Life Within CRAB
She and Tripp likely banged.
Gallery
Gallery
Trivia
- Everyone draws Gouda cute, except the author.
- She was cute in her initial design, actually.
- She insists her human kombini-working version from the Magai reality was an impostor taking her place.
- Her initial intended wish was infinite cheese.
Source
Text: CRAB WIKI, Gouda Beemster (revision 1491, 2025-01-24; by Fresbi, TheBrianPillman)
Pictures: GOUDA.png, uploaded to the wiki by Fresbi
Edited by: G
Licence: text CC BY-SA 4.0; characters, comics and art belong to their creators
