Bear
I'm not winning fair and square... But even if I did, how could I live knowing what's out there?
Bear is a participant of Crab 2, as part of Team F-Slurs (along with SRU one of the best members). He is a stuffed bear, I think, who is alive and can talk, often getting into hijinks in order to achieve victory. Because of his actions he is arguably a secondary antagonist (but nobody really knows).
Appearance
Personality
Bear is cute but not innocent. He is competitive and has little idea of what people find attractive.
He can lend an ear and will plan, often with disastrous results. As Crab progressed he became increasingly worried when confronted with the chaotic reality of the multiverse and the beings that inhabit it - being a stuffed Bear, he did his best to try to return to normalcy everything.
Powers and Abilities
He is a Bear. However he is resourceful and devious when he wants.
By Round 3, he used a tome of eldritch lore to summon a tentacled abomination entirely out of his control. It required all Crabs to ally in order to put it down and it could delete portions of reality, including magical beings.
Background
History
Round 1
Akio and Amable (lost, entry) vs Outtake and Bear (won, entry) in Tug Of War. Match page: C2 R1 - Akio and Amable vs Outtake and Bear
In Outtake’s canon reality, he easily lost but then cried so much his tears blew Akio away. In Bear’s canon reality, he devised two plans to win, one to put a mirror so that Manarchy also thinks they are hunks, another to create a system of levers with the rope. However he did the math wrong and in the end the rope just broke, luckily to their side. Despite the obvious cheating and them ending up badly hurt from it, the Gamemaster approved it. In Akio and Amable’s reality, they pulled the rope, but from the effort one of Akio’s balls was exposed under his Naruto shorts. This distracted Outtake who tripped over Bear and lost.
Round 2
Abigail and Mike (lost, entry, part 2) vs Bear and Dragon Lady (won, entry, part 2) in Swimsuit Competition. Match page: C2 R2 - Abigail and Mike vs Bear and Dragon Lady
In France, Bear and Mike became girls, Abby took the hat and Dragon Lady age shifted. Bear was the sexiest.
In Abby’s reality she was only wearing the hat and nothing else. Seeing the dragon opponent, Abby was baffled she was stuck in France. Mike appeared to help, being horny for the dragon. They modeled. Abby left to drink with Fernando and Janitor, and complained that everyone wanted to fuck Dragon Lady but that they were all losers anyways due to being stuck in France.
In Mike’s reality, the four reunited to model, with Mike thinking he would Dragon Lady. They all modeled, and the judges loved it, but the Gamemaster thought it was boring and told them to do a talent competition. As Abby and Mike discussed what talent to use (considering guitar) Bear who had drunk all potions turned into a giant bear and had a kaiju battle with Dragon Lady. As Mike and Abby prepared to play their music, the fight of their opponents created a massive wave about to sweep them off.
In Bear’s canon reality, they modeled, but no one was impressed at Bear. Bear was salty at that and when Dragon Lady emerged stopped things, accusing Abby and Mike of cheating, though he had no proof to show but his vacation pictures. The jury was convinced, but then it was revealed Bear was just dreaming of this drunk at the bar where Balkari and Carolyn were having their drinking competition. Bear was already late for his round so they decided to just spend the day drinking.
In Dragon Lady’s canon reality, everyone gathered at the beach, with DL arriving last and drinking the potion which gave her tail spikes. Abby mocked her for being naked, but the three decided to go shopping to find her a swimsuit, which DL bought first. They returned to compete. Mike had a sporty swimsuit, Abby a red one which didn’t fit with the wizard hat, Bear was naked, Dragon Lady one made of bird feathers which made Berbie mad. On Round 2 Mike wore a futuristic one, Bear was topless, Abby a black sexy one which Wietse didn’t like. Dragon Lady had a cow print bikini and Bear told her to jump and say moo. For the final round Mike had another futuristic one, Abby was put on a full wizard outfit by the GM, and Bear finally had a full bikini. Dragon Lady had a pagan bone bikini, which included the skull of Wietse’s father. Despite the horror, she won, with Abby and Mike second by one point and Bear last with two and a third points. The girls spent the rest of the day having fun at the beach together.
Round 3
Bear (lost, entry) vs Turtloli (won, entry). Match page: C2 R3 - Bear vs Turtloli
In Bear’s reality he used magic and accidentally unleashed an eldritch monster.
Though both allied and attempted to free all Crabs, they failed and were defeated by the Gamemaster.
After Crab 2
For his crimes when he unleashed the eldritch abomination on Round 3 to eradicate all of CRAB he was locked in a box watched by Pauline. He was probably released at some point during Eternal Crab to participate after Chad won. After the events of Crab 3, Bear was returned to his world without memories due to Berbie’s sacrifice.
Relationships
Life Within CRAB
He worked as a bartender in France and served several drinks to Crabs.
Crabs often confided in him because he looks very cute.
Helped that way navigate his team woes.
Gallery
Gallery
Trivia
- He was a thread-only chad.
Source
Text: CRAB WIKI, Bear (revision 2539, 2026-05-30; by ArkAngal, Fresbi)
Pictures: Screenshot 2025-02-07 030949.png, uploaded to the wiki by Fresbi
Edited by: G
Licence: text CC BY-SA 4.0; characters, comics and art belong to their creators
