Joseph Pryde
Field Value Full Name Joseph Pryde Alias Gender Male Age Late 20s World Pryde Pizza Occupation Pizza Guy/Co Owner of Pryde Pizza Status Deceased (trapped inside Bodycount) Role Participant Team The Pryde Doughboys Edition Crab 1 Creator X-Person
Can we at least talk about Pizza?
Joseph Pryde is a participant of Crab 1, as a member of the Pryde Doughboys team. He is the owner of the Pryde Pizza shop and an expert pizza maker who is kidnapped to the tournament and experiences a tragic ending.
Appearance
Personality
Joseph was the proud co owner of Pryde Pizza, an honest hardworking man, and very friendly and optimistic. Even though he’s mild mannered, he often got scared and confused over the course of CRAB. Despite that he’s very willing to get the job done.
Powers and Abilities
Joseph has no real powers. But he’s very athletic, able to swing a bat, and is capable of cooking a mean pizza. Some may say his pizzas were the stuff of legends even surpassing future pizza-making contestants.
Background
History
Round 1
Super J (won, entry) vs Joseph Pryde (lost, entry) in Dance. Match page: C1 R1 - Super J vs Joseph
In Joseph’s reality, he saw Super J waving at him and got scared due to his opponent being a superhero that could kick his ass, so he quit without dancing.
In Super J’s canon reality, he faced Joseph. Berbie commented he would like to support Berlo, the Sunshine Over the Farm team said they enjoyed being the underdogs while Linda commanded Super J to shred his opponent. The Frankenstein girl then quoted David Bowie and told them both to dance - confident, Joseph prepared to engage in his Pizza Sauce Dance, but Super J told him regrettably he would not allow the performance no matter how curious he was about it - using his mental power, he put everyone but the Gamemaster in the arena into a sleep, the Gamemaster noting they all needed the rest anyways.
Round 2
Justin Franciscus Willemsma and No’e (lost, entry) vs Joseph Pryde and Conqueror (won, entry) in Main Dish. Match page: C1 R2 - Justin and No’e vs Joseph and Conqueror
In Justin and No’e’s reality, she asked him what they would cook and Justin said they would make fries with fried ham slices and corn salad, which was what they could make with what Nova had brought them. No’e doubted fries were a good choice but Justin convinced her with his confidence. He then peeled and cut the potatoes, fried the ham and cooked the corn, and with her powers No’e cooled the fries. Mooma was excited to try it but behind her back Berbie and Wietse wondered why Justin would make fries. In the end, Mooma found them delicious, and Berbie and Wietse approved with less enthusiasm, Wietse noting he did not like the sauce. Later No’e tried some leftover fries and was thoroughly pleased.
In Joseph and Conqueror’s canon reality, Conqueror noted he had never seen those ingredients in his life, and Joseph confused pointed out that was a tomato. Fascinated Conqueror asked if he knew the ingredients and the man said he was a cook. Conqueror then gave a grand speech about Joseph letting his ambitions take them out of these circumstances and change the world, and the pizza boy was confused. He began giving instructions to Conqueror but Conqueror did not know the terms for the foods, so Joseph told him to follow his lead. And so they began cooking with the ingredients provided by Taya and Asha and Conqueror declared he had made a pizza (with help). The jury Mooma liked it, Wietse complained the pizza had carrots and an exhausted Joseph said he just wanted to go home as he returned to his team with the victory.
After this, he hung out with Crabs noting Linda’s cupcakes were delicious and said Janny’s cynical quotes were funny. Janny warned him he would have to face Bodycount yet but not quite following Joseph said the idea of fighting a doll was funny.
Round 3
Bodycount (won, entry) vs Joseph Pryde (lost, entry). Match page: C1 R3 - Bodycount vs Joseph
In Joseph’s reality, after the meeting with the Crabs he tried to hit on Linda saying they never spent too much time together. She however brushed him off saying she was not interested and that she had to go fight an abomination. Joseph was then suddenly teleported to the Bucket, where Bodycount was waiting for him, with it dawning on him that it was the doll the Janitor meant. Calling her creepy and deciding to end things quickly, he grabbed his bat and smashed her, seemingly defeating her and doing his team’s catchphrase “dough boys deliver”. However, a red corpse emerged from the doll. Joseph threatened, then pleaded saying he had too much to lose, and ultimately tried to convince the monster with Pizza, but he was punched and eaten. He woke up then inside Bodycount, where he was greeted by both Nova and a part of Kif that still remained inside the doll, the Gamemaster noting they were all dead. Joseph then shouted at the Gamemaster for kidnapping them and killing them, but the wizard said those were the rules. Joseph then said he would find his own way out, but the GM noted that was impossible and that he could try fighting the doll again and getting head, which Joseph noted was a malapropism. In the end, Joseph could never find the way out and died. Many Crabs then mourned the loss.
In Bodycount’s reality, Joseph faced the doll that appeared as a horrible amalgamation using Nova’s corpse. Filled with fury or fear, he smashed with his bat, but Bodycount sliced him in two with Nova’s weapon and devoured him.
After Crab 1
Even after everyone remained dead, Joseph continued being one of the victims of Bodycount, trapped inside her body. He was remembered by the surviving Crabs as an unfortunate tragedy along with Nova.
Relationships
Life Within CRAB
He would cook pizza for his team.
He had a thing for Linda and tried to flirt with her. He was friendly to most Crabs as they enjoyed his cooking and normal guy personality.
Gallery
Gallery
Trivia
- Despite knowing how unstable Linda is, Joseph tried to flirt with her in Round 3. Implying he has a thing for dangerous women.
- Joseph also referenced the Twilight Zone in his Round 3 against the doll, the episode he’s referring to is S5E6 “Living Doll”.
Source
Text: CRAB WIKI, Joseph Pryde (revision 1572, 2025-01-27; by Fresbi)
Pictures: JosephRefSmall.png, uploaded to the wiki by XPerson5467
Edited by: G
Licence: text CC BY-SA 4.0; characters, comics and art belong to their creators
