The Falcon
JUUUULIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
The Falcon is a participant of Crab 2, as part of Team F-Slurs. She (yes, she), is a girl who got kidnapped to become a black ops soldier defending a Computer.
Appearance
Personality
Falcon is extremely traumatized due to the wars she fights and suffers from strong PTSD she tries to hide.
She gets too absorbed in a mission and her training is not all perfect since she often messes up or does things strangely.
Powers and Abilities
She has soldier training and can lay down a massacre like she did with JUUUULIAAAAAAAAAA. She wields EMP grenades to deactivate tech, throwing knives (which she always uses in melee instead) and a visor that allows her both to see in the dark and to detect magic.
Background
History
Round 1
Kevin and Femboy Elf (won, entry) vs Captain and Falcon (lost, entry) in Hunting. Match page: C2 R1 - Kevin and Femboy Elf vs Captain and Falcon
In Kevin and Femboy Elf’s canon reality, they were sent to hunt a fly-like creature. Femboy was not thrilled to work with Kevin. As their opponents ran away from the danger of the swamp, Kevin and the elf encountered their target, sitting on top of a massive monster snake which attacked them. They ran into a temple and Kevin extended his tongue to eat the fly, enraging the snake. However the snake was distracted by Falcon screaming and chased them instead, allowing the Rosebuds duo to run away. The snake ate the F-Slurs and turned into a giant frog, who splashed Kevin away when he tried to negotiate with it. Tired of it, Femboy Elf invoked his ancestors to gain super strength and punched it dead, releasing them. Just as he lamented they could not win because they had no evidence of having caught their target, Kevin nonchalantly spit out the dead fly.
In the Captain’s reality, they had to compete in hunting bog frogs. Femboy Elf gained the advantage by using pheromones to attract frogs and kill them, but Captain encountered a friendly frog and convinced it that Femboy Elf was a male, and got a jar of the pheromones. He used them on Femboy Elf so that the frogs gangraped him, giving him a chance to kill them while keeping the elf alive. Falcon took care of Kevin.
Round 2
Cannon Girl (won, entry) vs Falcon (lost, entry) in Riot. Match page: C2 R2 - Cannon Girl vs Falcon
In France, Falcon took all three potions with no discernible change. Cannon Girl drank the gender potion and became a man.
In Cannon Girl’s canon reality, she became a buff man, but felt dejected when his team didn’t care. He went to France and started a men’s rights movement, taking over, becoming a Napoleon like figure, and punishing people for cowardice. She ran into Falcon who was littering and beat his ass.
In Falcon’s reality, she murdered her, just like Julia, over a mere competition? JUUUULIAAAAAAA
These are Falcon anon’s words about his entry:
Here is the story for those intrested[sic]. The side effects for falcon will be flashbacks to past trauma. The goal was that they needed to commit the most crimes needed to get the most years in prison. When meeting canon girl for the first time, Falcon has a flashback to a different girl, while both say “may the best women win”. Falcon is distressed by this but tries not to show it. The competition then starts with Falcon throwing a knife across the street, shattering a glass window, breaking into a jewellery shop. This causes the cops to show up just as Falcon re-emerges and engages in a shootout. This forces both contestants to take cover in an alleyway. In order to escape, Falcon throws Canon girl onto the street, a flashback of the same face of betrayal from the flashback girl having a knife thrown at her. Canon girl gets peppered in bullets while she escaped on the rooftop. Once safely away she turns back, and sees canon girl dead on the floor, and remembers her first and only friend, lying on the ground in that exact position, covered with knife wounds she had inflicted. “I murdered her, just like Julia, over a mere competition?” Falcon says, a tear leaking out of her goggles. The Gamemaster teleports in, and cheerily announces “Murder of a fellow contestant, how devious, why you win”
JULIAAAAAAAAA
Falcon died then from overdosing with all the potions or from being beaten by Cannon Girl.
After Crab 2
Falcon was likely not revived for Eternal Crab once the Chads won, or she was, either way she never showed up again. She was remembered affectionately because of her JULIAAAAAAAAA entry, mostly, and even ten years later people go “wait, that was a woman?!”.
Relationships
Life Within CRAB
SRU accidentally fried her brain once by sending her too much data.
Had a fling with Alexis.
Gallery
Gallery
Trivia
- It’s a girl.
Source
Text: CRAB WIKI, Falcon (revision 2499, 2026-05-26; by ArkAngal, Fresbi)
Pictures: uploaded to the wiki by Fresbi
Edited by: G
Licence: text CC BY-SA 4.0; characters, comics and art belong to their creators
