Awesoman

Awesoman

It’s awesome, man.

Field	Value
Full Name	Guy Everyman/Awesoman
Alias
Gender	Male
Age	25
World	2039 LA (Omnis Earth)
Occupation	Earthguard Superhero (current)
Status	Alive (returned home)
Role	Participant
Team	Monomyth
Edition	Crab 3
Creator	Phantogasm

This power I've been granted... I haven't mastered it yet but I will try my damn best to use it for good. Cause there is already way too many fucking evil assholes like you in this multiverse.

Awesoman (formerly known by his human identity, Guy Everyman), is a participant of Crab 3 of CRAB, working for Team Monomyth. Once an average joe, he was struck by a meteor which gave him incredible powers turning into an indestructible superhero capable of doing anything “awesome”, which he tries to use in order to fight evil with varied results in his rather dystopian future earth. He is “accompanied” by the Narrator, a seemingly omniscient presence only he can hear which narrates his adventures.

Appearance

Personality

Despite his appearance, Awesoman is at heart a normal guy, riddled with anxiety and uncertainty about his actions. He enjoys videogames and weed, and in general will prefer to avoid a fight unless it’s necessary. However he is brave and when needed will push himself to try to help others.

Awesoman holds a lot of inner rage, likely coming from the death of his father many years ago, which can sometimes resurface and bubble up when provoked enough.

Powers and Abilities

Though potentially one of the strongest participants of Crab 3 and of CRAB in general, Awesoman has only a very rudimentary control of his abilities. He is shown to be completely indestructible, stretching like rubber instead of suffering damage - although he is not impervious to feeling pain nor to being knocked out cold. He is also, like any good hero, able to fly.

Awesoman has super strength, the limits of which are not clear even to himself. He is at minimum able to break through concrete when speeding up and was able to make quick work of Lenard’s mech once he got serious, either through flying through it or through overpowering it and tumbling it with sheer strength, as well as to clap with enough force to send his opponents flying.

Awesoman’s signature move is the Awesome Vision, which turns whatever it hits into “something awesome”. It usually works as an instant victory - being able to do things such as turn Lenard into a candy dispenser, Berlo into a potato, or objects into other objects that are more “Awesome”. The mechanics of the power are not at all understood by the hero - although extra information would reveal things are actually being switched from objects from an “Awesome Dimension” of sorts.

Despite all his power, Awesoman is deep down a normal guy and as such he can often find himself stopped by moral considerations or manipulated by those of more insidious purposes.

Background

History

Round 1

Wietse Johannes Willemsma (lost, entry) vs Awesoman (won, entry) in The Rejected Painter From Beyond. Match page: C3 R1 - Wietse vs Awesoman

In Centuria, Wietse was begrudgingly made an agent of the Forest Alliance, while Awesoman went to serve the Empire like most of his team.

In Wietse’s reality, Wietse had been spending the last week in Vienna, helping Hitler enter art school, a mission he found bothersome at the least. It had turned out that the Empire wanted to isekai Hitler into Centuria to aid them in the war, so the Forest Alliance had chosen him to stop this, opening a portal and throwing him back to the past, back to the past Samurai Jack before Hitler turned evil. To do so, Wietse had to help Hitler enter the art academy, for which he even brought Loomis with him, but found that Hitler just sucked and would spend the day sleeping, or changing ideas continuously and dropping them, or drawing without any guidance. By day five, Wietse resorted to beating Hitler up in order to force him to practice fundamentals. He recognized that in the end, he saw a bit of himself in Hitler: an artist struggling to “make it”. On the day of the entrance exam, Wietse cheered for Hitler, when Awesoman broke from the roof, and threatened to kill Hitler. Wietse told the to-be-dictator to run to his admission exam, and asked the hero to not kill Hitler, to which Awesoman asked if Wietse was insane since that was literally Hitler. He admitted that after those seven days of knowing the guy, perhaps he wanted to see Hitler achieve his dreams, making Awesoman ask if he meant the Holocaust (he meant the artistic dreams). As the arguing got louder, they both prepared to fight… Before Awesoman deflated and called the mission stupid. They both sat down then and conversed about the mission and how neither liked it, and how the conflict was inevitable due to the Empire needing to rely on coal and wood from the Forest as a source of energy. Awesoman then had an idea, which he told the teenager, and both shook hands and the hero flew away. Spying at the exam door through the keyhole, Wietse saw Hitler had been admitted. He was warped then back to Centuria before he could congratulate the Austrian, thinking how grateful he felt to Hitler to make him realize they could all make it (on Centuria, he later discovered they developed nuclear bombs).

In Awesoman’s canon reality, he was sent by a rude Imperial officer to find a replacement general for the Empire, an artist from another world, and carried a scroll with instructions he was decreed to only open once he was there by the scryers. He was sucked then to the past in Austria, though he mentioned he didn’t know any Austrian painters. The Narrator replied he might know this one. Opening the scroll he was baffled to see his target to recruit was meant to be Hitler, and he questioned the wisdom of both the Gamemaster and the Imperial generals given that Hitler had lost his war. He ultimately decided he would instead kill Hitler to save his future victims, reasoning the chances to win the tourney were slim anyways and even if he deleted himself, he would get deleted anyways if his team lost. He flew then to the academy of arts, where Wietse was hanging with Hitler, and burst through the ceiling declaring his intention to kill the dictator, who recognized him as the ubermensch. Wietse pleaded with the hero to not kill Hitler. In the end, grabbed by the clothes, he asked Awesoman if he wouldn’t take a chance to stop Hitler without killing him. Awesoman ended up admitting that he would. They both then conversed and talked shit about how stupid the mission was, and wondered if there was any way to make peace between their factions, with Wietse stating as long as the Empire used fuel from the Forest as energy it would be impossible. Hearing this, Awesoman got an idea and bid Wietse good luck before flying away. As the imperial grand wizard noticed the time portal shifting, Awesoman returned and punched him unconscious telling him his mission sucked. He had brought instead of Hitler, Oppenheimer from Los Alamos, who quickly acquainted himself with the imperial dwarves to teach them about nuclear energy. The Narrator questioned why Awesoman did not bring Enrico Fermi, and the hero started fearing Oppenheimer would build a bomb, which the Narrator confirmed the man would absolutely do.

Round 2

Awesoman (won, entry) vs Unúriel Ocapon (lost, entry) in Kaiju. Match page: C3 R2 - Awesoman vs Ocapon

In Japan, Ocapon took on the age elixir, aging ten years with no change, while Awesoman drank what he thought was the anime potion to attain Saitama’s powers, but in reality was an aging potion Admiral Pizza had placed food coloring in to trick him (he wanted to see what Awesoman looked like with a beard).

In their shared reality, Ocapon and Dizzy were hanging at the Edo-Tokyo Museum inside one of the exhibitions (turned alive by Dizzy), but Dizzy had to leave to go to her match with Wietse. Meanwhile, Awesoman was facing a giant Kaiju braphog, who tail-kicked him into the museum and into the exhibition Ocapon was watching. The small alive exhibition people ran in fear, to protect their Emperor. Coming out of the bathroom (and from the exhibition as well, recovering her normal size) without washing her hands, Ocapon asked Awesoman to stop and charged magic on her hands, causing the hero to retreat and then threaten her with his awesome-vision if she would not stop… yet to his surprise, Ocapon used her magic to repair the damage on the exhibition he caused, and was thanked by the figures and their emperor, who told the elf it was not like her to neglect her own world. After that, Ocapon then approached a conflicted Awesoman who was bothered about losing his battle with the kaiju. She told him that for all his powers he lacked heart, but she had a spell to fix it, and wished him good luck and told her everyone was counting on him. Although Awesoman called her rousing speech lackluster, he was motivated enough to return, and despite not actually possessing one punch man’s power blew the top half of the Braphog in one single attack.

Awesoman was ultimately sent to Nuremberg. There he met with Bernard from the previous tournament, and learned about Eternal Crab and Chadwick’s wish. He joined the rebellion and escaped containment, joining alongside Bernard, Wietse and Evelin in fighting the gnomes - before he was transported back to the Bucket for his match.

Round 3

Awesoman (lost, entry) vs Lenard (won, entry). Match page: C3 R3 - Awesoman vs Lenard

In Awesoman’s reality, the Narrator showed Awesoman as he contemplated the upcoming battle, remembering his experiences at the tournament: hanging with the team, choosing to spare Hitler, being cheered on by Ocapon, meeting Bernard and learning about the previous Wish, then remembering his own father’s advice: that there were two kinds of people, those who believed they can, and those who believed they can’t, and that they were both right. Awesoman then entered the arena, cheered by his team. In the commentator cabin, Lurker noted that while Awesoman had the spirit of a hero, he had caused destruction on Centuria and not done anything much impressive, however, Tenebris did note the hero had won all his previous rounds and that perhaps it suited more to his palate to appreciate Awesoman’s moral struggles. He then introduced Lenard, who landed from the H.A.U.N.T. blimp into the arena already piloting his mech. Lenard grinned at the hero, who said he was not scared at all - to this the bat laughed and covered his mech in dark magic, and then the fight began - Lenard encompassing the entire arena in shade and killing the gnome referee. His mech then multiplied into many, who began beating up Awesoman despite the hero’s attempts to dodge, with Tenebris and Lurker noting they were lucky enough to hold domain over darkness and thus being able to see what was happening. Awesoman used his Awesome Vision, turning several spectator gnomes into different objects and Berlo into a potato (he’ll be back). He fought the mechs, but was ultimately beaten down. As he stretched him like a condom and hit him against the arena walls, Lenard laughed at Awesoman for his failures during the tournament, noting he had caused more destruction by accident than he, a villain, had managed to do on purpose. He began crushing his opponent then, saying that if anything, he was the hero in this situation - but enraged, Awesoman had enough - and with new resolve he twisted the mech’s leg, throwing it to the ground and ejecting Lenard from it. He stated that while it was far from perfect, he knew he would master his power for good as the multiverse had enough evil people like Lenard, and urged the overlord to surrender. Noticing his crown fallen not too far away, Lenard laughed and grabbed it, using the magic to create a shadow hand with which he began pushing Awesoman off the arena, stabbing at his head to avoid his vision. Letting go, Awesoman destroyed the magic by clapping, blowing the crown off Lenard’s head - before the bat could grab it again, Awesoman shot his Awesome Vision and it bounced on the crown: to the hero’s horror, Lenard was converted into a candy dispensing machine.

In Lenard’s canon reality, Lenard had been explaining his plans to his team, saying having Z on their side was an advantage but that they were still behind in terms of points and that he had made repairs on his mech which had been damaged during the battle against Centurion - he lamented having to pilot the mech himself instead of using Cyrus like last time. As he declared his plan wouldn’t fail, the bell rang. Later then, Lenard faced Awesoman on his mech, and began by telling the hero he could surrender if he wanted - but much to Lenard’s frustration the Monomyth was not impressed. Declaring he would defeat him just like Soren, Lenard began the battle then by releasing a ton of small laser droids with which he attempted to overwhelm his opponent - when Awesoman ended up dropping to the floor, many of the lasers bounced and hit the drones, making many of them disappear. A hurting but not damaged Awesoman stood up again, just in time to use his Awesome Vision against the mech’s attacking arm, with seemingly no effect. After that, the hero clasped the mech’s claw with one hand, and admitted he just wanted to see what Lenard had that allowed him to beat his headliner, but, dropping the mech to his knees just with his hand, declared it was all luck. As Awesoman flew, his theme music started playing and Lenard managed to eject himself from the mech right before the Monomyth smashed through the cockpit, destroying it. As he did, the illusion covering the mech shattered and showed its real form, a run-down robot made of scraps, with the arm having been properly affected by the Awesome vision. The mech fell apart, and not long after Lenard’s bat wings also proved to be illusory, the real ones too small to support him which caused him to plummet to the ground. Lying there under the stares and whispers of the spectators, Lenard could hear Ocapon’s voice saying it was only a matter of time for the truth about his magical ineptitude to come out. However, the memory of a doorbell ringing took him out of his despair - back to the initial scene, he remembered having received his Black Crown from the Gamemaster, with a note saying Crabs could reach their peak potential. Although then he had dismissed using it due to being too valuable to risk, he now distracted his opponent with a screaming shadow illusion in order to snatch the crown and put it on -the box revealing the crown to be a gift from his mother, who calls him Wilhefluff-, and declaring he had nothing left to lose with all his plans ruined, Lenard shouted Awesoman would pay. With its power then activated, a Hero’s Death in Four Acts began, a play in which Awesoman was transported to a theater, where he met a puppet version of himself played by Lenard, telling him he would pay for his transgression. Awesoman began to warp as he asked what Lenard meant - then was surrounded by countless bat puppets, who pushed him into a hole and falling towards what seemingly as hell. Awesoman woke up then as a real puppet in a hellish landscape of the fourth dimension, agonizing in pain while Lenard laughed. In the CRAB arena, Lenard approached then the hero lost in the trance and with a simple “boo” made him fly away and quit the match.

After Crab 3

After the tournament ended, Awesoman returned to his world. He was seen in the post party saddened after Soren’s death and unable to dance. He is later seen in Kome’s epilogue in a better mood, fighting yet another Braphog while a visiting Yuna watches. It is not known if he made any wishes to the Bratheon.

Relationships

Life Within CRAB

He would smoke with Frankie and others.

He had a crush on Pe’le, who never even knew who he was.

Drunkenly hit on Wanzu once.

Got laid with Hime. This was celebrated by Soren.

Gallery

Gallery

Trivia

• Awesoman’s fully powered up form, Awesoman Prime, is one of the strongest if not THE strongest Crab participant ever even surpassing Wanzu, being, among many untold powers, able to contact the source of creation itself and other “shut up and stop power-fagging” feats. It is unknown if he is canon.
• Dick optional.

Source

Text: CRAB WIKI, Awesoman (revision 1856, 2025-02-13; by Fresbi, Phantogasm)
Pictures: Awe.png, uploaded to the wiki by Fresbi
Edited by: G
Licence: text CC BY-SA 4.0; characters, comics and art belong to their creators